Author’s Note
I would like to thank my friend for letting me into his world and allowing me to discover so much about the four letter word – “Love”. The story is like many other love stories we all have read time and again. All it says is that “Love” is an emotion which paints our character in shades of blue, green, golden, red and white.
My Own Obituary
“I DON’T WANT TO LIVE HERE ANY MORE”, Anand shouted as he slammed his door.
Anand here plays the role of my friend who was having troubles with his parents and is the hero of this story.
“Son, we need to talk. You just can’t break a conversation when ever you feel like.” said Anand’s dad, Mr. Arvind, a lawyer by profession, a man of principles but a caring husband & father.
“Dad, I said na, things are not so easy for me here anymore. Everything is so very complicated. I have already asked for a transfer and my PM has given me a green signal. Just go away right now.” screamed Anand to his father, standing outside the room.
Anand laid down on the bed, with tears trickling down his eyes as he buried himself into the past.
Everything was great a month back. Anand and his love, Vandana were happy together. Their love was blossoming and even after their 5 year relationship they were discovering so much about each other everyday. Her one smile would make Anand’s heart skip a beat. He was addicted to her voice and each time she would sing, Anand will just fall asleep like an innocent infant on its mother’s lap. Anand’s craze for computers amused Vandana, though she hardly could figure out what he was up to. Things were all cozy and blue…
And now nothing was right. They were no longer together. Their parents declined their relation. They both wanted to revolt against them, but then fate didn’t allow that to happen. Vandana had to move away from Anand’s life. He cried, he pleaded, he shouted. But nothing could stop the inevitable. She had buried herself in the sands of time…
***
Anand never told his parents that Vandana had left him. The embarrassment that the girl for whom he was ready to leave them for had left him was too much. He just moved out of his parent’s house. Now the troubled heart was not only sad but also lonely. The company he was working for kept him busy all day. He started to work on weekends. At times his hand reaches out for the mobile to call Vandana, but each time he called she would cut him.
Love is a funny thing… The pain Anand was suffering was hurting Vandana equally, She wanted to feel the pain each time Anand used to cry silently, far away from her. She could have changed her number or switch-off the cell each time Anand troubled her. But NO, she knows that her decision has changed lives… The future they had both lived and dreamed, for the past 5 years, was no longer to be. And they had all eternity to forgive and forget each other…
***
On one of Anand’s busy morning, he gets a call from an un-known local number…
“Yeah, crazy frog tune is the latest one. By the way, who is this?” replied anand
“Hey, don’t you recognize me? It’s me, Amit, Vandana’s brother. We met once, briefly though, at the sports center” said Amit
“Oh! Its you.” Anand’s heart started beating harder as emotions not only filled up his heart but also moistened his eyes.
Controlling his emotions he replied “Good to hear from you Amit! How come you called me?”
“You know Anand, computers and I don’t go hand-in-hand. Really need help regarding this stupid website. You are the best, I heard, and the only one I know” joked Amit.
“Send me a mail about what you want, and I will help you with that.”
“I hope I am not barging in at the wrong time?” asked Amit
“No, no. Nothing like that. I was free. I will try to do it Asap.” lied Anand.
***
The next morning Anand was at work a bit early to know if she has mailed him back. What he mailed was not of much significance, but what he got really shook his weak heart.
The mail was unexpected. I am living very much the same way you are. The only difference is that being a guy you have moved out of your parent’s home and I am living with mine, listening to their taunt every day. I have decided the same thing you have, not to marry anyone. In one life, I can love only one person. But I believe in my God, if ever the situation comes where I have to go against this, my God will give me enough strength to go through it. Right now I am more concerned about my career.
I know I don’t have the right to say anything, but I will appreciate if we keep the communication to minimum. It is as hard for me as it is for you. Take care
Vandana.
Anand didn’t know what struck him. All he felt was the pain of thousand knives, stabbing his heart. All he read from the mail (again and again) was that the girl had decided to move on, and may be even getting married if SITUATION arose.
But Anand knew Vandana inside out; loving someone and living with another would burn her the most.
What Anand did after this was something no one would ever think of or would ever do. This is the reason why I am sharing this story with all of you...
“She wants to get married and move-on. Oh my God! … I thought we loved each other… and for the agony I am experiencing, this is what I get for a healing herb” thought Anand, so full of confusing emotions and his eyes brimming with tears.
Love is not always a bed of roses, especially with heart-breaks. Within just a few weeks after the breakup he got this news; the shock simply broke him down. He stopped eating properly. Sleeping was just a luxury. For days he was a lost soul, a person who walked, talked and breathed, for whom life had lost all its meaning! If he watched something funny, he wouldn’t laugh. If he saw something romantic, he couldn’t feel the warmth, if he heard music, his body wouldn’t spring to the tune. He was a dead-man-walking…
“Love” – the emotion everyone want to feel in their life. It could be depicted by a shade of red. Red, because it symbolizes warm feelings and warmth relates to the heart. But red could also symbolize another emotion – anger. And that was what Anand felt most of the time. His friends saw this change. And family needed not big a reason to spark his anger.
Few weeks later Anand got hold of himself, but the flame of hatred continued to burn within him. The mails he sent her soon after is something no lover should ever witness. The first mail Anand sent goes something like this…
Hi,
The only way for me to contact you is the mail box. I don’t expect a reply, even if they come, they won’t hurt me anymore... Life has taken many twists and this certainly is a big turn... I have set you free but you will suffer with the same wretchedness as I will. An inevitable fate waits me. The tears will eventually dry out and the pain will burn me till this misery ends. All breakups are messy and why should this one be any different!
I never did understand you. Never... Otherwise you wouldn’t have become so cruel... I will end here as I have loads to say... I will continue every day... For you to realize what you have created... A LIFELESS SOUL...
Anand.
Love, which had lasted for 5 years, became sour and so much bitter within months. No sane person would ever set sail in the ocean of love if its waves could bring so much hatred. A couple who were at the top of every friend’s party-list, two lovers whose romance was the hot topic during their college days, two people who spent so much time wanting to explore each other; they were now turning out to be the worst of human beings.
Vandana never replied to this mail. She didn’t reply to any of the mails which followed. Anand on the other hand was totally lost and confused in love. He was no longer able to differentiate what his emotions were for this girl. At times there would be lines of love in his mails, and sometimes he would be so spiteful, it was as if he was breathing fire.
Finally, Vandana broke her silence, and came out with words. Her patience has run out and she decided to end Anand’s misery.
She wrote, “Anand, I have decided to get married to which ever guy my parents decide for me. In the past few days I have seen you turn from my lover to a person I do not know and never would want to know. I will no longer use this mail id, so there is no point in mailing me anymore. I have decided to change my number. Your calls and messages have harassed me far too much. I don’t want to explain why I decided to have this relationship ended. I will pray to God. Goodbye.”
And with this, the final nail in the coffin of their love story was hammered.
***
Anand read the mail the next day, sitting in his rented flat. He got up, smiled and went to take a shower. His work was done. The world had suddenly changed.
Life is not fair always. It sometimes brings you loads of love and then takes away all that joy in just a moment. The raging fires of a broken relationship would burn any couple.
For Anand love was everything. He wanted Vandana to stay happy. Forever!!! It was easy for him to ensure this as he knew Vandana inside out. Just one more thing needs to be done.
After getting dressed he sat down to write his Own Obituary,
Dear mom & dad,
You have loved me all my life unconditionally. You have given me everything that I ever asked or dreamed for. And no matter how big I grow I will never be able to repay your selfless love. I loved one gal whom you could not accept. I never gave you a chance to stop me either. I am sorry for that. I have brought so much hatred in her heart that she would never ever love me again.
But I will still love her. If I needed you people to help me learn how to walk, I needed her to help me feel the ground I tread. I am incomplete even if one of you are missing form my life. I do not wish to live an incomplete life. I don’t blame this on you or to her or anyone. I blame myself for not knowing what love and life is.
Goodbye. Your son – Anand.
PS – I have given all the colors of my life to the gal I love. If my death can make any difference, try knowing her once.
Gathering his stuff, he packed it in a bag, crossed it over his shoulder, started the bike and headed towards the canal. He reached the edge of the canal and went overboard. As he went into the air, his whole life, his love, his parents went past in a flash. He had a sense of satisfaction and a smile of his face. It was the shade of white…
He hit the water.
***
The next day, the newspaper had an article on the Anand’s death. The bike was recovered but the body was never found. Anand’s parents were heartbroken and depressed. They never thought that a decision taken by them almost a year back could kill their son.
Vandana was shocked and she broke down the moment she got this news from her brother Amit. She cried for days but soon she realized Anand never understood her love and carried on with her life.
***
A year later…
“Vandana beti, get ready. You take so much time.” said Vandana’s mom.
“Ma, let Rahul wait for me na. I am getting married to him. He should learn and realize that I take lot of time to get ready.” said Vandana happily on the occasion of her marriage.
The marriage was organized on a large scale as Vandana’s parents were well known people in the city. Somewhere in the crowd was a boy who was crying as well as smiling. He came to see the colors in Vandana’s life. From now on his life was a shade of white…
Author’s Note
All throughout the narration of the story there was one things missing. What was that rationale because of which Vandana took the drastic step of ending their relationship? I tried hard to know Vandana’s side of the story. But my friend refused to tell me that and asked me to promise, never to ask her about this. One slight mistake and the painful effort my friend has taken will be gone for ever.
As for reasons why Anand left his parents, I never asked him and I don’t intend to. Its okay to keep some of the dark, painful emotions buried forever.
