Plausible Deniability

My friends are always concerned about my health. Some will ask, how you are these days. Some will ask, what and where are you eating these days… But on of my friend came up with a totally different question… Rather a discussion… A philosophical one! She was worried that the workaholic creature I have become, will some day succumb to the workload. And all this for what? All this is what she said…

Sometimes I feel all this is so pointless. Why stay away from the people you want to be with, your friends, family etc. All to earn a few extra bucks. You earn to be happy and we finally forget this very fact. We leave all that we like and go away and then really miss them and worry about them. Why? Why do all this? What if you suddenly needed someone and no one was around to support you and take care of you? Ideally you should have been able to go home to your family, at least some friend who will really take care of you.

We spend so much effort in building careers, sacrificing so much and to what end? What would you remember years later? All the time you spent in office, away from everything you wanted to do and be with. I'm not saying that you need to have fun all the time and throw away your career. No, that is equally important. But how do you find that right balance between actually being happy right here and now, and pursuing it relentlessly so that you can be happy in the future.

You once told me that you are not into philosophical discussions but these questions are so fundamental to our mental and physical wellbeing, yet when did we ever stop to think about it? Does anyone ever think about these things now? Or do they just follow the herd, endlessly chasing that elusive end, catching a glimpse of it now and then which keeps them hooked till at the end, they realize they have been chasing a mirage all along. But by then it’s too late. They are already in that one state that they have dreaded, loneliness, then they finally realize that the view from the top may be great but there is no one to share it with.

Never mind. Hindsight is a great thing but servers no purpose. All of the above statements are also futile. They may make you think for a minute or two but then, after that we start rationalizing and therein lay your true enemy. Self denial is the truly the greatest asset that humans have…

A discussion… Few words… A minute of consideration… Then we all go back to our work, never giving this a second thought… All we can this is - “Plausible Deniability is a type of lie that requires preparation as to avoid anything we don’t feel comfortable about…”

My Friend -- My Inspiration...

My life lacked a special friend,

In you I found someone on whom I could depend.

My soul yearned for love,

You came along and brought me heaven from above.

My eyes sought an unseen face,

They met yours' and in them I found eternal solace.

My hand reached out into the unfeeling world,

You took it in yours and a multitude of joys unfurled.

My heart longed for that love and care,

That your companionship has taught me to share.

My entire being wanted a sense of completion,

Your love happened to me and became -- My Inspiration......

AT TWO

I was two years old when I first stepped on an airplane. For a two year old it’s a very huge object and loads of people rushing in. Initially it was a tough task for my mom to make me understand that it’s not a monster ready to gobble us all. After creating much of ado, I managed to board the plane, but only in my dad’s arms. Oh! And one more thing, I used to think my dad was HE-MAN. So the monster won’t be able to do anything to me if I am in his lap. My mom actually had to bribe me with Cadbury chocolates. Human nature!! We give in to taking bribes at so early an age.

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<> The year was 1984; none of the current private airlines were operating. The only airline present was IA and air travel was a privilege. Thankfully I got a chance early in my life to travel from Delhi to Bombay (Now Mumbai). To a two year old kid these things hardly matter. To him, all that matters is that he is going to a new place with his mom, dad and his elder brother- on an airplane!

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<> As soon as we boarded the plane, its enormous size freaked me out. I clung to my Dad very tightly. My brother (aged 6) was teasing me and it perplexed me more. Being in such a frantic state, how annoying it is when an air-hostess comes and does a “Googly Woogly mush” – for all who don’t know what it is – it’s what every one likes to do to a baby with chubby cheeks (or better still, watch the Ponds Cold Cream ad ) – I got irritated, but somehow managed not to cry. Instead, I started to become curious. My world had so far been limited to a 3 bedroom house and the lane we used to live in. Today for the first time my mind was exploring new places. Ludicrously I pointed at a fat man sitting right ahead and tell my dad, “Dad that man is even fatter than granny.” My dad had to apologize profusely to this fat man for my behavior, as he did on several other occasions, to many different people, for many different blabberings of my kiddish mouth.

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<> Mom some how managed to keep a check on me till the plane was about to take off. As soon as the plane started moving towards the runway, the devil in me started playing tricks. I suddenly unfastened the belt – oh I was smart enough to learn how to open it - and started jumping on the seat. Annoying loads of people with my voice, I shouted, “We are going in a plane, we are going in a plane.” The look on my mom’s face said it all! My parents always followed that logic of not scolding us in front of others; I used to get it once we reached home. This saved me from a certain bash from my mom – dad never used to scold me or beat me - HE-MAN doesn’t beat the good guys – Right...?

The devil within me was still not at peace, fighting the seat belt which I was certainly not allowed to open anymore and the stare which mom gave me after the dance I did just before take-off didn’t quench the devil’s thirst for a little more mischief. Now I, already in limelight, was getting special treatment from all airhostesses. When the candy was served, I was told I could pick as many as I wanted!! Ahh... the fruits of childish paradise!! The prospect of getting loads of candy filled me with a malicious glee that made the devil within very happy. Fate, however, didn’t favor poor me! With such small palms, it was very hard to collect loads of candy. Here, too, the benign treatment continued as the Airhostess helped me to load enough candy to fill my ample pockets (My outfit had a “bugs bunny” pocket on it – the cute ones we all had when we were infants – which was now filled with loads of candy).

<>By the end of the flight I had done all possible mischief like repeatedly asking for candy, standing on the seat, dropping food on my clothes and talking animatedly and continuously. Finally, worn out by all the hard work, I fell asleep like an innocent angel in my mother’s lap, while cruising through serene clouds in my dreams oblivious of the mischief I had just wreaked.

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Author’s Note

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Author would like to share that he was brainwashed and was not able to recall any such incident before the age of five or six. He came to know all this when he was told again and again on those innumerable embarrassing occasions (something like ‘thanksgiving’) when the whole family used to sit and discuss his childhood mischief.