The courtship period...

"Why do you come to the same park every sunday grandpa" said my 12yr old granddaughter.

I am old now, slow and at times also forgetting what I am about to say, but this was one question which I can answer even while lying in my grave.

"To meet your grandmother, dear." I replied to my angel. As I see her, eyes just like her grandmother, the only beauty she got from our side. Didn't expect her to anyways look so beautiful with our son's look. Thank to our daughter in law, she is both beautiful, like her, and strong headed women even at a young age of 12.

"But grandma has been dead for so many years, yet you still come to this same park." she replied and immediately realizing what mistake she has commented.

"I am sorry, Grandpa, I didn't mean that. It is just I didn't understand how you are able to meet her here, when she is no longer with us. You know, I miss her so much." apologied my angel.

"No need to apologies, when you know your mistake. Rather than giving the apology, give a promise that you will try not to repeat this mistake again. It is much harder than just saying you are sorry." were the words of wisdom from this old man.

Sometimes when Abby, my granddaughter, tries to apologies, her face turns red the same way her grandmother would do. When she either made a mistake or would want my yes on some topic she thinks I would say no. How sometimes our genes skips generation and you get a not so cute son, but a very sweet and charming granddaughter.

"Dear Abby, your grandma left us all and yes we miss her always. She was really special in so many ways. I still remember her giving birth to your father and the first one to cry when you were born. But the story I will tell you today is what your grandma and I wrote long time back. Almost 40yrs back this story was written. A young couple, met for the first time as lovers in this park." I said to my child, whose eyes widden on the secret and a story dated 40yrs back.

"Really Grandpa. I didn't know you both had written story? And how come this park is 40yrs old. It was constructed recently. Dad brought me here when it opened. And he said, finally we have something close to our home where sundays we can relax together." said my angel.

"Yeah, this was not a park where I met your grandma. It was a mall or the hyper-complex you call it these days. There was a coffee shop and we met there. Your grandpa had come down from his home town to meet your grandma and to talk to her. Trying to find out whether he can find some similarities, so that they can get married. Your grandpa was not well that day." I revieled to Abby.

"A mall?" quizzed Abby was. "If there was a complex here, why the broke it down? Wasn't it a good one. And what you mean by meeting her to find if you can get married? Didn't you love each other already?" so many questions and the answers were mystery for her.

"Yes, I had only met your grandma once before when my parents took me to meet her. At her house. It was you may now don't here, but an arrange marriage." demystifying Abby's questions.

"Oh! Yes, mummy has told me that story many times. Also that you were totally against dad's mom's marriage and it was granny who kept her feet down and didn't allow you to argue. Were you scared of granny, grandpa?" teased my devil-angel daughter.

The secret of all men scared of their wife is not much of a secret now days. Even a 12yr old knows how much it is easy to control a married men. Probably that is why they are so messy at times, because they can't control life, so throwing tauntrams in this way suits them best. Anyways, ignoring my child's teaser, I told her that the story which her mother has said needs correction. I watched as the digital vendor rang the attractive alarm for children to run to the vendor. A solar powered, fully automated, ice cream vendor. Where were the bicycle ridden screaming vendors gone.

"So grandpa, how did it go when you met her here? Did she boss you around even here? Who won?" Abby said, waiting for the reply.

"Walk me over to the ice cream vendor. Lets sit down with the ice cream and we will talk it over. Have you taste the vanilla ice cream? It is still best after so many years." I continued the game by not replying directly.

As we reached to the vendor, grabbing Abby's hand, the warmth of her hand reminded me of the first time I shook hand with my wife right after our first independent meeting (without the supervision of our parents).

The dream was suddenly broken, when Abby with mouth half filled with Ice cream, said, "Grandpa, do you know, Vanilla is also my favourite. Mom always said I could never eat any other ice cream than this." ask she licked her fingers tasting the melted white cream.

"Yes, dear. I know you don't like anything else. Even I love this flavor..." breaking away the sentence in the middle, hinding the fact, I started eating this, since she passed away. It reminded me of her cold hands on the evening strolls right after our wedding. Always insisting it is good for health. Something I regret now; had I not been in good health, I wouldn't have to live life alone because she moved on in life.

"Now Grandpa, stop playing games and tell me why you love to sit on this park bench every sunday; Grandma must be watching us over and saying that your secret is safe with me and you should probably share it with me as soon as possible." were the child noble words

"You are old enough to understand that after retirement, after your grandma passed away, it has been difficult for your grandpa to do everything. Eating on time and passing time everyday has been hard. Your parents have helped though all the time, still it isn't their job or obligation to do it. So how this old man, who find it hard to get up from his bed some days, find solace in the absence of reason. So the first sunday after this parked open, I walked to this seat, I felt like the days after your grandma and I were engaged. The courtship period! Time when we both will spend hours talking to each other on phone, still not be able to meet regular basis. I felt your grandma talking to me again. She saying things which she will say during those days, getting annoyed because I was not keeping my health and she will make sure I am in much better health when we are married." I continued...

"Grandpa, you miss her na. So many years you were together, you did enjoy each other company. So did you fight during your courtship period? Who started it?" asked Abby.

"Yes, we did and as always it was my excessive protective nature which got better of my judegement. You know how I am worried when you are not back home from school on time. Similarly your grandma didn't inform me she was tired and slept off without tell me that she has reached back home from work. We learned something about each other everyday. My memory is foggy, may be it was 10 or 11th Jan." I answered.

"But why the courtship period now? You know her much better or better than anyone else. Wouldn't you say this is different? After all you have a challenge in loving me also and I am sure grandma got competition in me" said Abby, competing my love for her and one for her grandma.

"Yes, Abby. Your grandma will be jealous. But it is the courtship period because like last time I am knowing life lot better than before. It was a period when life changed with her presence in my life and yet it has again changed with her absence. I started caring about stuff more and now I do it again. In her presence, I used to leave it as her job to make sure everything is fine. And you will find that marriage which happened then and my demise which will eventually happen, will again unite us. This time once for all." I replied with a little sadness in my tone.

"Please grandpa. You know, I don't like you talking like this. Come lets go back home. The story and the secret was one I will keep for ever and wish someone like you find the way to my heart too." winked a young 12yr old girl.

For a 12yr old girl, knowing the meaning of true love may be hard, but not understanding our love. Though my thoughts sadden her, I surely was sad missing my wife. My wife left me, when she should've been helping me walk to the park. Some how, some where she again wanted me to work towards my health. I have started writing again, which she always loved. The one time when she was said about leaving her house before the marriage, one of my story was only to make her smile. Morning and evening walks, milk and no-junk food are part of my strick routine now. May be she is again talking to me like the courtship period (really it is my daughter-in-law who has forced all the rules, knowing how much my wife has told her). Reaching back home, as my granddaughter took me to the breakfast table and discuss the complete sunday plan with her dad, I looked over to the digital photo frame to say goodmorning to the love of my life.

On the sideline...

Couple of times in the shower, while driving car, this thought comes again and again to my mind, the female specie has done so much for us. I fail to put one single point that defines when they play the best role. As a Mother, to give birth to us all..Sister, to hide us from dad's scolding..Lover, to share the park bench...Wife to start a whole new chapter in our life and eventually as Daughters to taught us how life will come a full circle one day making everything a memory. Yet with all the memories together I fail to figure out that the fairer sex never has the dying spirit. Of course the critics will argue that they are the one who will break our heart and be the women yet hating another because latter has come into her child's life; but this is not about the critics or me finding a way to point their excellence. This story how men should recognize them, like the extras in the football field, are standing at the sidelines seeing Goddess at work, making so many moves...like a admirer admiring the strokes of a painter.

Yes, it is a story about these Men...the one who ate the apple (and blamed it probably on the only women around then). Who is scared since the time they pop out of the vagina that they suppress the one they should care. Based on my own personal experience, things that have gone wrong, with my mother, with my sisters, with my ex and sometimes when I say something to my wife, I was always scared to accept the facts (doesn't matter what they were). From the sideline, I thought I was screaming the right thing. But was I? Somewhere in those screams, I missed what I should have seen! May be I would have learn a thing or two.

Another fine example which life has always thrown at me is how women make far better managers that men. From my first company, to the current one, the female managers been better. Come-on guys, saying that you are more in numbers at this very post doesn't make you the better one. Windows is available in most of the computers, doesn't mean they build a good software (as a matter of fact, now that the topic has come, Windows sucks). They know this art of handling people and my gut feeling is that they don't win over the challenge cause they know how to handle kids. But it is the exact opposite of it (or that's how I feel). Probably they see stupidity faster than men and change things far better. Yet we men, on the sideline fail to acknowledge this fact.

Life is a race, everyone is competitive, you make fewer friends when you are at the top; excuses and more excuses. Life is not a race but a journey, the moment one realizes it, either they are side in the balcony and watching their Grandchildren play with toys or in a old-age home finding what mistake they made while raising kids. I surely prefer to live 80 yrs of slow journey, rather 60yrs of fast, painful race. Competition is something we create around us; siting the fact that the other person performed better than us. No, it is us performing not to our capabilities. Even though this is little off the topic, I will dwell down to a personal attitude while stating why competition always affect me a different way. I get frustrated and excited when someone isn't performing and I have to take up the job. Because I at that point failed in my goals. My goals which has the only competition as my past performances. People are better than me, they will get ahead of me - I know this. I can do better I know that; I only wish I remember these words every time I get frustrated. Where does the women come into picture - how do you see them swifting to another location after marriage even though their current life is what they want. Competition with the containment of knowledge that they are their own competition and yes they can do better, where and what doesn't matter. If work changes from a 8-to-5 job to a 24/7/356 wife and mother; so what? they still manage and do it much faster better and yes as usual thankless. You make fewer friend when you are at the top, only if you forgot to share the knowledge you gained while your growing days. Don't make yours obsolete, make yourself more knowledgeable. Someone taught you, he may have done out of ignorance, (see again I said he...damn..could have been a she - right) because her boss said to do it, yet you gained the knowledge. Keep gaining and passing it to the people who come (I have learned this lesson very recently) and you will never become alone and obsolete. Cause you have the chain of knowledge. If you stop giving it, you break it; If you stop learning new stuff, you still break it. I love this very part in women, the knowledge sharing one. They don't stop teaching us. How to tie shoe-lace (first i can remember, though walking would have been before that) to how to find when she is angry and how to patch up. Thousands of way she will teach you to do things...I know my job more than my wife, yet she will tell me, "alll izzzz well, you will get it". She taught me at that very tense moment not how to do my job, but to smile while I am tense.

There is an evil to every sane side. Like every happiness sees the downward curve of sadness; sometimes at the sideline I have seen the low ends. From both men and women alike. It is fine we don't respect women most of the time; probably thinking they need us more emotionally then we do (which is wrong most of the time) but to hurt them in the most unethical manner. They are really not a baby-vending machine; nor are they maids. Men shows real character by how he treats every women around him. Women when evil can be really dangerous. Riping someone heart is really not so evil; na it is part of the risk when two people mutally agree to some time together. Worst is what I have known is when they hurt each other in form of mother-in-laws:daugther-in-laws. May be this happen more in my geographical location, yet an evil women is more dangerous than any men.

There are mostly no conclusions to these thoughts...they linger around as I roll my car into the office parking slot and cease till the time I reach my space. What ever we do in our area, on the sideline, if we remember to take one clue out of the female book of care and guidance every day, probably things will go more smoothly. This is not a tribute to any women, or to impress some chick @ coffee corner. I have a chance to move from the sideline and play the game of life (aka marriage) and I know if I love her less, than it is not because I have some problem, but because she can love me far more than I can.