The year it was...wasn't...

For the past 3 months my blog has suffered my absence. A feeling of someone going away for long. So where was I, what was I up to in the last quarter of this eventful year. Here is the list of top 9 things that happened to me in 2009... I don't believe in order but still for all the people I want to read this may enjoy the ordering :

#1: Engagement - Finally the wild horse learned how to trot. People talk about life altering experience or the absence of such event. But for both the sexes isn't it life altering. May be love marriage is different, where you are so much used to being with each other; but surely arrange marriage is a life altering experience. I didn't know Meghna when I last posted article on this blog and then after 2 meetings it felt life is about to change or should I say now it has. How? that's a all together different article.

#2: Anushka - 12th Feb this year my brother-bhabhi were blessed with a baby girl; I met her when she was 3 months old and the first time I picked her up was the most amazing feeling. The brother I have grown up and have looked up all my life, now is a father himself. She has brought about change in my brother, bhabhi to mother, my parents to Grand-parents. Life back in roorkee was so different with just her presence.

#3: Singapore - It has been almost 4 years since I started my professional life. While I sat in domestic airport, I saw all my friends travel on business trip to foreign land. So finally I decided why wait for fate, when I can write few lines on my own. Taking my old college friend we planned a 4 days trip to Singapore. Flight was short, hotel was fabs, city and places were pleasure. Started a blog for the trip...though it still waits for a finish

#4: Germany - If Singapore happened out of arrogance, Germany was due to grace of God. A decision made on the professional front almost 2 yrs back gave me this opportunity to go and work in Germany. The trip was amazing as I had never experienced such a long flight especially it was via Dubai. Enjoyed the whole traveling experience; though what happened after that goes to my #5...

#5: Jaundice - It was cold, really sad weather in Germany when I landed but nothing could have damped my excitement. My mother-in-law calls it curse-of-jealous-eyes and so the devil himself took away all the excitement as my first trip was ruined by Hepatitis E virus. Enjoyed the first 5 days and then it happened. For next 3 days I threw up even water. And for a whole of 5 days I didn't take any food or water. Last time I remember my weight was under 85kgs was when I was on hostel mess(y) food and now I lost more than 10-15kgs to go as low as 82kgs (mom been work full time to get it back up). Trip which was supposed to be for a month, was cut short to 10 days. Of all the disappointment, what hurts the most was professionally I couldn't complete what I was sent for. Still life and work goes on, whether we are in it or out of it (teaching for life).

#6: Professional Act & Rise - A lazy boy couch defines my attitude towards my professional life, that I shall always be relaxed and take-your-own-time kinds. But somehow, somewhere, I inherited my father's will to excel. Especially in areas which are not known. First time in Infy I thought it was a fluke that some senior gave me something I knew nothing about and somehow I managed to scrape through. In SAP, it was a challenge to get into areas which were alien and realize that books and reading will never leave me. Education only ends with death. School is never over!! Sadly :) Hence I had this act of working via books, forums, articles. I enjoyed it a lot and I guess so did the people who had a watch on me.

The rise came two-fold. I stepped on to the next level and will enjoy its taste whole through next year. Hopefully I will enjoy lot more work at office, even though marriage will happen.

#7: Fracture - The worst experience of the year came when I broke my left hand index finger while keeping in one of the company cricket tournament. I believed in the doctors in Manipal Hospital, but they turned out to be monsters only interested in insurance money. As professionals get support from companies with medical insurance, Manipal Hospital operated unprofessionally, giving me non-functional middle joint in my finger. To an extend my ego took a hit. I took pride in my typing speed on my lappy; that went down with lot of typos. Also, my parents were worried about the prospect. The only silver lining in all this accident and the mess after that I learned some about my character. At no point I felt of hiding this in during the process of arranged marriage. It felt great to be truthful and honest. We as humans find it hard to accept our limitations. I still find my anger as one truth, hard to accept. May be this blog becomes a start. May be!

#8: Sports - An avid cricket fan, I have kept cricket's involvement away from my blog. Mainly because I don't criticizes much when India loses. I will go lengths to argue that Indians tried hard but couldn't win. So my blog will always be biased. This year though it was different. Lot of stuff happened and one way or the other I was part of it.

In F1 I saw a new brand name making complete mockery of the season. Winning the title of both constructor and driver champion.

In Tennis I had to painfully accept the fact that Roger Federer is now of course the best Tennis player in history; sadly my favo Nadal not only had series of Injuries but also bowed out of French tournament first time in history. Just hoping 2010 he bring joys back to me like he brought for all the Spanish people by winning them the Davis Cup final

In football there wasn't much that happened, but I started to enjoy and learning names of different club players. So it was still good times for me

Lastly, my favo, Cricket, I was blessed with number of things. India winning the test series and reaching number 1. Sachin Tendulkar (bade bhaiya), completing 20yrs in international cricket. Virendra Sehwag (chote bhaiya), amazing again with the pace he can play test cricket. I am not of the era where Englishmen used to sit in Lord's balcony and clap gently for every boundary scored. Also I will never show my unlimited appraise by just standing and clapping again. I am of the era of T-20 cricket. And Sehwag just played a day of cricket where more than 6 Runs per over were scored in 90 overs of days play. Like the 1998 sarjah vs Australia, 1999 WC Tountan vs SL, 2003 WC vs Pakistan memories of Sachin...this innings of 293 by Sehwag will be etched in memory for life.

#9: Misc - Yes, the 9th on my list of 2009 has some collection of items. It has the battle within me to accept marriage as the next step. I write love stories, some true experience some made up; but all along writing them, I believed something equally lovely will happen to me. Arrange marriage was an honour I gave my parents, because we live one life and we now we don't give them the happiness, when can we.

I went back on Tennis court to participate in Tennis Tournament. May be not so fit, but still in doubles we brought the whole court on fire. Both the games we played, as team, Babu and I enjoyed it a lot. Exactly 10yrs since I last played an tennis tournament. The only such pleasurable incident I can think of Brain Lara scoring 375 and 400 in a gap of 10yrs (not quite comparbale, still I thought of mentioning it).

XBOX, PS2 & PC Games gave me lot of pleasure. God of War 2 and Gears of War 2 both played and finished. Started on Sim City 4 and Tiberian Sun at the fag end of the year. Mainly because I still recovering from Jaundice. If I am not allowed to play due to lack of energy or go out eating; what else can I do to pass my time... Games give that sense of inner peace to me.

Courtship period where I have spent a fortune on my mobile bill. Knowing a total stranger has been a journey with lot of new views, notions. Few of the killer blows were when Meghna expected me to show concern and she acted wrongly, just because she like me getting little off-the-hook; another one of those when she expected me to keep asking infinite times and finally when I gave up, she actually opened up her thoughts. Strangely no experience in life with a friend, girl-friend or even a hook-up can explains how heart & mind works during courtship period. I said 'yes' to a total stranger and I know she is no stranger any more. She is so much a part of me...

Marriage preparation and the number of funny incidents. I was an outsider during my brother's marriage as all episodes were directed with him in the lead role. Now its my time, its my time to be the stand-up-comedian. So my dad asked me to shut-up, turn up and sit quitely for the marriage. This is how he did it in front of dadaji and this is how I should :)

Time and affects of friendship has also taken away some good friends. Anusha was one of the amazing colleague whom I enjoyed working with. Her calm way of doing things was always alarming to most of us. Even the development team applauded her ability to successfully execute every test. She got married and moved to US. Wishing her all the best in life. Another of my great friend Akaash, who moved to US way back in 2007 has almost lost touch. Even the news of my jaundice didn't move that moster of his seat to give me a call. I still remember the bread-butter-jam session (nothing musical) every weekend at his home in chennai. Truely, my affection to chennai is closely associated with how his family loved me...uncle, aunty, priya, anand, paati and dodo. Not to miss out Jagatshree; but we have stayed in touch with each other. Like good nice friends.

Carrying dabba to office. It is a symbol of married men to carry lunch box to office. For me it was mainly because my cook can't make measured food for one person and it is always way too much that I started eating dinner the subsequent day as lunch also. Then came jaundice and I had no choice. No fat, No oil food, means home made food. My cook Ashok has been very helpful and caring. I do miss mummy's food.

Politics, movies, drive to kerela, stories on blog...so many things are there in this year making 2009 another well spent time. 2010 brings new challenges both personally & professionally. I wish everyone calm, peaceful and amazing 2010.

Accidental Love...

PART 1

hiss....the bus stopped and the door open to a cold Delhi Monday morning next to East Delhi Mall bus stop. A white suit with saffron and green dupatta clad girl got down and walked towards the mall. It is 9am and she is a little late. Not every day it happens but today the traffic was horrible. It is the Republic day celebration week and the Mall theme is for all employees to wear something resembling out of our Nations flag.

"Hi Swarna.", someone shouted in the crowd standing at the employee-entrance at the back of Mall. Handling her saffron-green dupatta, Swarna looked and found her serving-partner at the fast food chain - McD.


Walking up to her friend she said, "Hi Akhilesh. You look nice. A mix of Rajisthani ethnic and kashmiri wear really makes you look wonderful. So today you will rock the corner?"

For McD employees, "corner" was no ordinary term. It was a secret code. When different dressing events started in McD, an year ago, the most impressive looking guy & girl employee will go out together but before that the guy needs to "corner" the girl. From that point of, it became a code. An Event where everyone will dress-up just to be part of this very code.

"Na Swarna. Irrespective of what I wear, you will still amaze all the guys. They dress for you and they dress thinking of you. Raj, Vijay, Rahul, Adi...all are your greatest and loyal fans. The only time I see them not dressing for you can be rakhi" replied a dejected Abkhilesh.

"You make me sound some actress from a movie. After all, we all are just employees here. And like always we will serve to lot of people jumping up on fast-food", replied Swarna.

***

"Hello boys, hope everyone is up for the challenge and set for another fun-filled day. Please make sure the french-fries are salted well. Avoid wastage of Cold-drink. Keep eye on small kids as they are always knocking-over food by running around. Adi, your performance was excellent for last week so you have the kitchen floor today. Do the regulation of resources and food products. All other grounds rules apply. All the best." was the long-long lecture of the Boss, Mr.Shetty. A sound professional who has done everything by the book. Serve the people with a smile on the face and rules in your brain, few of his motto lines.

***

"Adi, the crowd is building up again. I think we should open the first floor area also.", said Raj.

"Sounds good. Akhilesh and Swarna can take the first floor. You join them as I know you have the closest possibility to corner Swarna today. I know rest of the guys aren't thinking.", replied a smiling floor-manager.

"Thanks man. I was actually thinking to ask the same. I will go tell them.", whisked Raj before someone else steals the show.

***

"Raj, you look dejected. What happened? Did u find her attention? I know she isn't thrilled today. Something else is playing on her mind.", said Adi looking towards a lost-Swarna.

Swarna was indeed lost. Her family financial status hasn't improved and her hopes, her dreams were washing away by tides of time. She picked up a fight with her mom that very morning and wonder what is so amazing about this week? She is still looking for ways to find her freedom. Not from responsibility but from hardship, from things which only her friends and their families go through everyday.

At the same time a group of guys, looking like army cadets, with the crew-cut hair and clean white well-tailored and ironed shirts, tucked neatly in their trousers, walked in. The clean boots and the neck-cloth showed the group has got there Monday off before the 26th Jan celebration. Rohit was one of the guy who saw Swarna first. Even though she was having the stupid looking McD apron on her front, she still looked so wonderful. Rohit has never seen someone so beautiful. For him, it was a like warmth of sun after a night patrol at the northern Himalayan borders.

...

But things couldn't have gone more wrong

...

As he walked towards his table, nearer to Swarna, a kid came out of nowhere. Without any warning, the kid bumped right into Rohit and he lost his balance. Sadly, Swarna was carrying an order of 5 large coke.

...

The place was a mess, the kid had ran away (probably getting bashing from his mom) and Swarna was drenched in freezing-cola. In a matter of moment, from being the one with the most stunning outfit, she was looking for a total do-over. A real big DO-OVER.

...

"I am so sorry.", replied Rohit. "I didn't see the kid and lost my balance.", cursing in his mind the combination of army hard sole & tiled floors. Only to see the girl in tears. Swarna had a horrid day and among all the fight with her mom, she manage to look stunning in a very ordinary outfit. And look what a stupid guy did to her. Rohit felt like the ice on the floor...melting away in the beauty of the girl's tear.

"Please forgive me. I am so sorry. Please don't cry." said Rohit but the words meant nothing for Swarna. She got up and walked away with Akhilesh wiping her tears with the kurta's sleeve. For her this meant loss of bonus and an evening away from her family problems. Rules in catering business have always been the same: You should be good at it- otherwise you pay for it.

***

For the rest of the day, none of the customers saw Swarna. She opted for the kitchen work, now changed into the McD dress. Akhilesh and Raj went ahead with there dinner plans, leaving Swarna even sadder. For her, the job resembled exactly how she felt about her home. By the time day had come to an end, she looked tired. The kajal in her eyes and the twinkle were both washed away. She knew after all, she will go back home alone and also lonely.

***

Delhi shuts down pretty early in winters. Months of December, January and February are like the back of Chiller. Air itself chills the bones. By 9pm when the McD was serving to final few people, Swarna's day had come to an end. She came out of the employee-entrance to be greeted with dark & foggy night. Her clothes were wrapped in a poly bag and she had to take comfort in the McD clothes and jacket. Upset yet thankful that the day is over, she walked towards the bus-stop. Suddenly out of a blue, a guy, shivering in cold came out. The stain on the white shirt were enough for Swarna to know it's the same guy who ruined her day.

"Hi Swarna. If you could give me two minutes, I would like to apologies. I have waited for so long, just to say I am deeply sorry. I knew I was lost the moment I saw you in there. Terrible thing happened and I did ruin you pretty dress. My CO will be mad not returning with the guys, but I know, I do not want to end anything like this. For you I may be just another customer, but for me you are someone not who will just bring my food. I felt much more.", spoke Rohit, still jittering with the cold.

After so much Swarna didn't need any of this. First mom, then the accident and now the guy not only apologizing but also hitting on her. She wanted to scream and tell him he was stupid and should see where he walks. But the day has indeed taken its toll on her.

"I don't want your apology as you have done enough. And also how do you know my name? Were you running around in McD, asking for my name?", said an irritated, tired Swarna.

"No, I didn't. I was waiting for so long and I met your friend. She was also as mad as you and I was able to calm her. She told me it will be hard for me to get your apology but I want to. I am posted here in Delhi, never felt home but people here have always been caring. And I know you will to forgive me.", said a man searching for an answer.

Swarna found the care in his voice solace for her pain. Somehow unknowingly she felt a warmth in his presence. She turned, walked into the McD store and got another jacket. Rohit was an army men, endured to freezing temperature, still she was a girl with a heart to care. Her smile said it all. As they walked towards the bus stop, talking about each other, the cool breeze was singing...love is so accidental...it is an accidental love.

Home is where the heart is...

"Home", one world that is synonymous to "rest", "peace", "family"...and many more. At the end of a long-tiring day, Home gives the comfort as a warm blanket on a cold-December winter evening. I have never been able to detach to my home back in Roorkee (where I come from). I was in 2nd standard when mom and dad moved in our own home. Before that it was a rented house. Though initially I was reluctant to like it, but mom made it simple for me. I was given lot of area in the new home to roam around/run around. At an age of 8, my new home become my new play ground. I still remember sleeping most of the time on carpet and then my father or my mother helping me to the bed.

There are so many memories associated to my home in Roorkee...from playing cricket on the first floor terrace, to dad's factory on the ground floor. The big black metallic entrance door which always used to creek (yeah the house wasn't completed, we moved in before it got completed). Mom has worked hard, very hard making that place so very cosy, that I can identify each and every thing she has picked to make that place livable.

Two unique things I remember are how in winter we used to sit on the terrace and enjoy the winter-sun. Mom will make hot Carrot-halwa (gajar-ka-halwa) and I will gallop it till my stomach hurts. The other was during summers when we will all get soak-wet in sweat and will all crowd in the AC room (mom-dad's BIG-HUGE room). If the power goes off, it will chit-chat, if the power is on, dad & I fighting for which channel to watch (of course I used to win mostly, unless he is in bad-office-mood).

Time changed, sadly I grew up (though some don't think I have...); moving out of Roorkee was a tough decision, always a mamma's boy. After bewildering in the wild for 8yrs dad finally helped me out to purchase a House in Bangalore. As I studied and grew mentally in Bangalore, it was the right choice to settle down here. Immediately these thoughts of whether an Apartment can ever become my Home. I searched it myself, I saw lot of places, I liked this as soon as I saw it and it surely was one of the biggest decision of my life. It too me few months to make the new place from House - to - home.

Now almost 10months have past and I have more-or-less got used to its surroundings and the utilities. I know it has become my Home. My heart crave for humans-presence in my Home - like when mom-dad came or when bhaiya came. I know my home glows in presence of my family members. I want my didi, my friends and lot of other members to see it.

Surely my heart is confused to find a definition of Home. Because heart also doesn't know which one is really my home...The one which has all my childhood, mischiefs locked away in closets or the one where I rest my soul after a long hours in office (oh I am sort of a work-a-holic).

From a living standard point of view this is an exclusive place with swimming pool (indoor & outdoor), tennis, squash, badminton, snooker and lot of activities always happening. For me it is a walk from my basement B-46 to 4th floor after office, knowing the walls, in absence of humans will warm themselves so I just calmly lie in its arms.

Sadly, in past months one of the moment tarnished the whole experience of living in own Home rather than rented. Miscommunication, Misunderstanding or just plain egos, my cousin and I went separate ways. I had to ask him to leave the place though we shifted together from the rented house where we leaved peacefully together. Sadly the only words I have for the whole episode, "My Dad has worked way too hard and I can't see anyone tarnish his precious possessions".

Anyways, coming back to my Home and in case of the one in Bangalore, it is a blessing my parents has given me. I feel sad leaving the home in Roorkee after each vacation, but now I look forward coming back to this wonderful home, to the view, to my bed and yes my tennis courts (got two of them).

Love you - "HOME, Sweet HOME".

After the breakup...

"Time is the greatest healer", someone either suffered a heartbreak and then recovered to write this line or probably saw too many sad-faces to come up with a line like this. I for sure believe Time is as much as too be blamed for all the pain we recieve as we give it credit for healing.

Hi, I am Rahul and this is my story.

My friends and my enemies together told me (yes I keep in close touch with my enemies) that Time will fix all the stuff. When Anjali questioned my love and to asked me to justify how I will make sure our love doesn't fail under the norms of our society, I cave in. She asked me lot of questions:

- How do we make our living?

- How do we raise our kids?

- How do we move away from our current life and lead a disjoint, lonely life?

& above all

- How do we leave our Parents?

To all I was able to answer in peace that if under our society and its guideline, a inter-religious unison will never be accepted, we better move to higher living standard. We avoid such conversations and we become pillars to support each other through tough time. For the first time we both were happy to be rebels. We both knew, how important each other company was. We knew the answer to one person's problem is the companionship of other.

But with time we realize and may be mature that leaving our Parents is neither in the limit of us - feeble mortals or in our God-send love. God himself created these two entites: Blood-relation and mutual-love. Somehow the human harmony only exists if both go hand-in-hand.

This fateful axe fell on both of us and we found time after breakup far more hard than actually fighting for our relationship, with society, our own notions and lot more. Like an infant always knowing her/his mother will be around, we knew the other is always a call away or may be a day's journey away. We were, as I see right to be named, Orphans-of-Love.

How does one find the foster home? Or actually find parents with same care and same touch (yeah well, touch of a companion can't be expressed in words : still I may try). Anjali's care was wierd in many sense. When she will meet me her hands will go Icy-cold, even in hot-delhi summer. But it still shows the care, isn't it.

We talked once almost after 3 months of separation. She told me tears are not friends which will lighten your heart full of sorrow. They just screw up the eyes and leave dark circles. I said she is stupid and should take care of her health. Even as orphans, we knew the love or the subtle mean of it.

Then almost 6 months passed away and as usual my work became my Gaurdian. Helping me through some rough patches. Everyone hates monday mornings and I became scared of friday evenings. Always sending a puppy-cry to my manager on Friday for more work, to prevent ideal days. Food lost its importance. Music became cries and Lyrics turned to dark corners of the past.

9 month celebration was a blast as one of the her friend finally spilled the beans, she is getting married. For the first time a casual beer drinking washed away thoughts with tower of cans. But still nothing changed, nights means more nightmares, work was comforting, friends were few.

What actually time did to us? Healed us? In what ways, leaving a scare never to be healed again? I fail to see why any one said "Time is the greatest healer". Time is a machine which makes catalog of snapshots of all the good and bad times and never forgets to remind us about the bad times when slightest of wind with thoughts of past pass by.

1yr anniversary is round the corner...I see no reason why I shouldn't go out and celebrate the failure of our love that we console each other to take different path, the breakdown of our system when our education taught us to be secular and our parents denied mere existance of human-being belonging of different religion...

--------------------------

"From the author's diary"

--------------------------

An hour conversation with my friend gave me insight to how human-beings build life surrounding with different rules; bending them to feel comfortable. This is his story or should I say this is his heart. Wanted to say what ever abstract he said.

I also know the girl, I have been touch with her till the point she asked me not to be her friend any more. After all we met through Rahul. I saw her in the Church where she was getting married, I saw her in the white dress and I saw her going away in a car...She was content and I only hope she was/is/will-be happy.

17 Again...& more again...

The movie is nothing but one of those romatic comedies where everything happens brings out a reflexion of our own self. If not all, some part of our life is visible through the eyes of either Mathew Perry or younger version of his (being a guy here).

No matter how many love stories I weave out of my mind or how my tears bleed out of my words, I can't change how love will happen to anyone. I can't define it; I can barely understand it. All I know is that an ability which makes me different from what I could have been. When I walk into a room or a floor of my office I know the feeling of my work is as pure as the words of Ramayan or Bible...similarly when someone looks up to me or I do the same, irrespective of what we are, what we can or can't achieve, we try to find love.

In every walk of my life; the small life I have lived so far; in an ever-changing human being I am, one thing I have never stopped is to learn from love. How love can teach me to hold my niece up close to my heart that she feels the warmth of my lap and fall asleep...How love has taught me to make "her" laugh, where she can be my sister sitting miles away in a foreign land. Or she can be my neighbour in office crackling up on my silly jokes...How love doesn't only describe our feelings but also defines our relationship with another person..

Moving on or sticking with what we have is a choice we all make at some point of life. Some are accepted facts and some are painful dozage of reality. But can any of it take away the feeling and sense of belonging to what really exists in our heart. My heart, skips a beat when I feel-in-love and also when suddenly the car in front of my breaks heavily...cause that is what a heart does...tell us that we are not in the zone where we feel comfortable. It reminds us that the pulse beating so loudly in our ears are not just some biological-fault but a warning of what may come or could have come.

We start and we end our stories search of someone; from birth it is mother and till we age it is a soul-mate - some chosen by fate and some by family. And if the story of soul-mates is true, that our soul breaks away into 7 pieces each piece in search of another piece in next-life the 7th one being left behind...to again break into 7 more piece only to start the search all over again, who am I? One of the first 6? Or the seventh one...Cause I really don't know what I want to be...to be one of the 6 and end our story in this life or to be always the 7th so the search never ends. And what really is this journey of love is...to find a destination and live happily ever after or to know that the journey is the best thing and destination is nothing but a period to our happiness. Isn't it funny, I started solving the mysteries of what love is and can make me feel and yet it confused me more than ever...

Soul-curry = one of the regular column in TOI stating real-life experience of human-beings, some of father-2-daughters, some husband-2-wife. Is shows the endurance of human mind and the ability of our soul to realize when to bleed and when to cry. But above all when to rebuild our lives after it has fallen into pieces. One of my soul-curry moment will be when I realized my father has been far more around that I thought he is...always a business man...because of us. All those long hours and frustration, for us...it all came back to me when during my college days he helped me grown on my own terms. Now I see the same love when my brother is around his daughter. She loves to play with all the teddies she got, but the real teddy is ofcourse my brother (not because of his size, but really because of his habits).

Falling-in-love, a broken heart, shoulder to cry and recovery time...all have gone through that; Being a son or a daughter, becoming buddy or pony-tail sisters, walking around a fire or down the aisle, become a father & carry a child...all have gone through that (or eventually will). As a mortal soul, I wish to feel all forms of love. My greed asks for it & so do I pray for it.

Until I see another of these movies, tinkling my heart...Or till I find another form of love, I sign out...

Happy living...

Whats on my mind...

By time we live, with time we go...
As the clock tick-tok, so do we tip-toe...
Small prayers to God, to bad we say no...
Love is all I got, love is only to show...

Last night stroll was an insightful event. I saw a family where the little daughter sitting up on father's shoulder, singing nursery rhymes. I saw two aunties, talking about how her new born started to crawl. But what was the most interesting part how the stroll calm my inner self. How the cool silent breeze brought peace to my ever perturbed soul. The inner self is restless due to the daily activites; like it is right now because things didn't finish up @ office.
Yesterday was friendship day where I helped a friend shop for few formal attire. The tough part was to identify his likings & making him look good (sorry to say chinmay, but the two never match up). But all the time my heart was thinking of the work in mind. I needed that night stroll and that is what I got.
Rakhi is round the corner and I was happy I was for the first time gift something meaningful. Yeah it was a buddle of Harry Potter. All 7 packed neatly in a box (sorry sis they are paper backs). HP have been loads of fun, allowin our wild imagination to wander off; switching off from reality. Taking us back to our childhood; lighting up our imagination. And to add HPs are not just some set of fictional stories, they are teaches. About friendship, leadership, importance of school, repect to rules or at times the lack of it. So much so that we match our school headmaster (the ones who were good) to Albus Dumbledore or the bully-elder-brother in the weasley's twin. Yeah, they are so much
It is now late and I need another stroll in my lovely campus. What's on my mind..will stay as I like it occupied that be let alone with nothing to think. Lets just leave it as it and move on...

Twinkle Twinkle little star,
What I wonder who they are,
But like my craving of heart,
Oh! God bring them close, they are far...

Critics, 12hrs+, this & that.

My last post has brought me lot of negatives reviews, especially when I am known more as a love-bug based writer. Even on the personal front, I have broken the pledge of keeping this blog purely personal and not let my professional life in it. One of the oral-comment said it doesn't reflect who I am and hence can be misinterpreted as someone I am not. I can't contradict this comment. Yes it is possible people can take me as strong-headed, stubborn guy which I am not. When it comes to my work, sometimes I may be a little stubborn. Clear cut example can be when our Java-based team refuse to pick up ABAP based tasks. Out of interest or out of curiosity, just pick up and understand what is happening... It is like every other task we have in life. Like learning bicycle or becoming a parent. Small or Big we do it when time comes. Just because Life forces them we shouldn't take it up.

Anyways, I personally hate the last blog as I used the wrong constructs and I hope the future brings much of strict regime. It is anyways hard these days to find inspiration for any more love-bug based stories. Last month have been around 12hrs on average in-office. Haven't read anything new, haven't talked to any friend. Sometimes these love-bug-stories comes out of the most funniest of incident. Like Nisha, I saw a girl and boy fighting because the girl intentially bumped into him. I wove the story around it.

But frankly I don't complain. Some find peace in sports, some find it in being idle, I found peace in learning something really cool. And to top it with a cherry, I broke a personal barrier. A blockage which made me believe "I-cant-build-UI".

Rakhi is round the corner (5th Aug) and I was happy to send didi gift on time. Being the spoiled-young-baby-bro, she never agrees on taking any gift. This time around I am happy to present her with something cool, something which I hope she loves as much as I have over the last 7-8 yrs. (And yes, I wish too didi come as a guest blogger, stating her experience).

To end:

As past played a rhythm,

My heart skipped a beat,

As I turned pages of my life,

My eyes fell on an unselfish deed.

Now time beckons for a start,

here I am, this is what I should do,

there is no plan; this is not an art,

Let the music play, do whatever says dein heart.

Personal vs Professional (my worst blog ever)

It is 8.28pm on a friday night and I am in search of an ABAP UI element which can display a STRING irrespective of how large it is. Is it funny, we spend all these years learning programming jargons, constructs, design-patterns etc and yet our life is brought down to a standstill by just a STRING object. No developer will ever doubt that STRINGs are tricky, irrespective we code in C/C++/Java or ABAP.

But really what is on the back of my mind is how I really needs to simulate the passion and excitement in my soul so it doesn't spill over so much that it becomes pain in others **** (british version).

From the time my first manager (Lakshmi) asked me to work on CMS (casino management system) I have forgotten what time is @ work. I believe at the end of day, I should not have a doubt on my mind, I believe that a logical closure to a day will give me far more peaceful dinner and a night sleep. And number of times a problem comes right @ 5pm when I see lot of your colleagues heading home. Or will get an interesting problem which really tickles my mind.

Coming to the actual point, I wonder why this passion & excitement sometimes makes me get impatient. I take it too personal as if this work is my only child and I need to groom it like my parents did in my case. Right now I don't want to prove anyone right or wrong; just want to vent out a little impatience out of me.

There is nothing to hide regarding this fact that I am highly PISSED @ our Quality manager. And it has to be like-wise. He also will now hold a little personal grudge against me. As this is my blog (& also not a company blog) let me fire some of the worst remark I can make on any one personally because right now I need my peace back. The passion to build an extremely useful UI for our stakeholders has been oozing for past 3 weeks; right @ the fag end I don't want to screw it:

(Sorry all who feel I use this kind of language on regular basis; no this is my first ever gone-out-of-hand case and with time I promise myself to improve)

a) Why the F*** you are throwing a task on me when it is irrelevant to the task you have.

b) Why the F*** you ask for something when you yourself know d*** about the whole scenario. Next time you come to a meeting, please go through your own documents.

c) Why the F*** you keep on saying our Q-team and your team? Last time I checked A-hole you were under the same team as I am. If that is your bl**** feeling, go p*ss yourself.

d) Why the F*** did you included the VP in these issues? You first dump some shit on me and then you question my manager's ability to resolve it. You should be blessed with such patient architects and manager.

e) And as I run out of time (and somehow the guilt of using bad language creeps on me) just because you are in a position to ask certain information, doesn't mean you cant find it on your own. You got everything (apart from this task) cooked in plate but forgive me, I don't do spoon-feed to bald-old-man. F*** off.

My parents will be mad @ me and so lot others who know me. I will clean my sins in this life only. My God be with me.

End-Quote: "Why God made 24hrs in a day, I believe 30hrs would have been better."

Chain of emotions-in motion...

Some promises are made to be broken...and few words means like carving on the stone. It has been more than 3 yrs since I started blogging, but no one asked me to continue a TAG :)

So without any more ado "The Incurible Romantic" digs deep to express (top 10) what really tinkle his emotions and bring him down on his knees...

#1 I will start of with my work. It is not something which drains me, but sometimes when I work with a unique pace or passion, which is a miss around (aka quality-folks); the sheer frustration drags me down. I have been identified already as a hot-pod, yet I am learning not all fingers of the same size.

#2 Time I spent not doing anything productive. There is so much waste I spend my energy into that each part of my mental strength is wiped clean. Most of the time I recover & bounce back with a aspirin, something like Max Payne??

#3 My stories -- Each time I write something, a new story, when I write the last few words, I know I have touched something deep; a part of my own self is broken into black&white words.

#4 Kids - Always been great with kids. May be because I am still one. But when I picked my niece in my lap for the first time, a sudden rush of emotions and warmth dawned me. Anushka has been one life altering experience for me.

#5 Late night Drive : Not all will consider this as a really emotional attachment. For me the switch from a biker to a man-behind-the-wheels helped me realize how impatient I can be. I drove for 700+ km in 3 days...The best drive ever!!!

#6 XBOX-PS2-PSP :-) Ofcourse it is mentally draining... I play mostly for 10-12hrs non-stop. What else? Yes! I am still a kid.

#7 Movies, TV Serials... Coach Carter, We are marshalls, ER to name a few.

#8 The Family affair.. Living far far away from my hometown, the trip back is always for rest and enjoy the city I grew in. My parents though have different plans to do this and that... Sometimes it works , sometimes it doesn't.

#9 Sports -> Tennis and Cricket. I remember as young kid i used to get fever watching intense cricket match. With India victorious campaign of T20 WC, every match got my pulse raising. With Tennis, the emotions are high when I am in the middle of the court. Actually fighting my own limitations (and yeah for some of my office colleagues - NADAL RULES ;)

#10 _____________________________________________________________

I leave this #10 empty as I feel not all can be shared.

To END
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but our deepest fear is we are capable beyond imagination..."

Still around...Still kicking!!

Haven't been active lately online due to number of reasons...lot of traveling over weekends means less time to be spent on my laptop, weekdays been full of cricket starting with IPL and now with T20 WC. So just for a mental reminder to myself, I am adding this scribe.

To start with a confession, I am in love with a girl called Anushka. She is cute, loves to hold on to my finger and squeeze it as tightly as possible, sleeps always with her head in my lap and yes, last but not the least, loves to giggle, laugh and give the biggest smile as soon as I start to play with her. Before any conclusions are made, just to clarify she is my 4month old (will be in 4days) Niece.

Yeah the trips are mostly because of my travel back home for her function (where she slept for the whole time) and was to mysore once she has settled comfortably with bhaiya and bhabhi now. I have never got to spend so much time with any baby. (touchwood - superstitious and hence this word will often be repeated till I speak of her). Anushka looks so much like her parents; Mani didi says a cuter version of Bro; I feel a chubbier version of bhabhi with eyes of my bro; some comment her to have half and half features from both sides (touchwood).

I know I am great with kids, they love me atleast when they want to play and get exhausted (mostly after feeds). Even though it is not always great to keep kids in lap (should let them free on bed for them to move, turn, start to crawl), Anushka knows somehow that appu chachu's lap is for sleeping. Last weekend, when I visited to mysore, in a day she fell asleep three times. Now one can be fluke, two can be coincidence but three times?! Even bhabhi/bro said to higher me full time as her caretaker. I would love to be her God-father had we followed some of the American rituals (touchwood).

Now science hasn't improve so much to understand the wavelength of an infant; hence we as family members tries to deduce what a baby says or rather put our own thoughts in their action. For no reason Anushka finds grabbing my finger or my t-shirt interesting. May be her way of showing attraction towards me. She even pooped once grabbing and exerting all her strength. Cute, may be more than that (touchwood).

Another of her stunts is of kicking of blankets. This mom says comes from my brother. He too had the same habit in his infant age. This becomes a game between her and me. I will put the sheet on her and she will put her strength to remove it. Really naughty! I can say that! (touchwood)

I always used to crib about the parental habit of first kid getting all the attention, while the second one gets only the required attention. Every move, every smile is noted down, while for the second maybe the mother takes noticed. Being myself the younger I felt, why is this so!! Being a professional myself, it was the practical scenario which explained it all. It is not just the factor of parents being experienced, also grands get 3-4 years older, husbands becomes meaner leaving most of it to wife to handle. Anushka made it clear to me; to have the first kid in the family feels so much amazing (touchwood).

Some physical and mental weaknesses restricts me to travel to mysore every weekend to be with her. But there are times when my thought process stops and I see my laptop desktop only to find her smiling and peeking under the blanket. I know there will be more in the family and they will create the same amount of warmth, noise, poop, worries, happiness. Anushka has given me a trailer of a family movie, where I saw my parents turning into grands and executing their duties/responsibilities far more than I could imagine; I have seen my as expected can't-handle-kids brother becoming a father with I-love-u-very-much-but-when-you-cry-goto-mom attitude and yes my bhabhi becoming more than bhahu of the family, but one who has given so-so-so much happiness to our small-yet-cute family.

Was supposed to write only little, but never mind!!! I have some sessions to impart knowledge tomorrow, where I expect my crowd to sleep. May be when I shall try hard not to fall asleep, they might too take inspiration.

To end with, there are lot of stuff happening @my office. Certainly the team change has created more mess (in responsibility and ownership) than I expect. Everyone says have patience and see for sometime. As it is My Team, I can't see the glass half empty. Can I? So hoping to have another of those thrilling week where I shall gain knowledge. Goodnight, be happy and prosper.

Please forgive me...

"Will you marry me.", the words were nothing like I practised in front of the mirror, yet they sounded so wonderful.

"....Oh!Ah...!Yes...yes...yes!!... I will, I will.", she jumped out of her chair and hugged me tightly.

Everyone around us were looking and laughing. Embarrassed yet happy I hugged my darling back. It was unexpected especially for me, who comes from a conservative family. I never thought the girl I met first in 10th standard, then forgotten and again met in college, again to forget & bump-in as my manager, will accept my proposal of marriage, said so abruptly........

***

St.Joseph Senior Secondary School, Shimla (1998-99)

"Anil, you will never pass the 10th standard maths exam if you don't work hard enough. I will write to your parents that you have not taken Maths as fish takes to water. Probably it is better you to take up arts." informed my chocolate-teacher Mrs.Bansal.

She continued, "Also, I have a prodigy in class 12th - Sheetal. She might be willing to save you. As you both are hostelers, it will be possible to supervise some extra class after school for you."

a) I don't remember why exactly Mrs.Bansal was called chocolate-teacher. May-be because she was the sweetest of all the teachers or may-be because of the soft-corner she had for hostelers. God bless her soul; she past last summer and as expected the gathering was from all ages she taught in her 25yrs long career.

b) Sheetal & I met first in school auditorium, which was mainly used during our time as extra-class rooms. Teachers will pick weak students from their sections and ask seniors to help them out; in-return seniors will get extra canteen vouchers or credits in certain subject they are weak in.

I still remember, Sheetal in her white uniform (for summers- for name-sake as shimla is always cold; other dress being gray during winters) and white ribbon complimenting her bouncy pony-tail. She helped me out with all the x & y's I failed to understand in linear algebra and all the different sizes and shapes of trigonometry. Still remember how she used to make it all fun by giving aliases to all the shapes after our different-shaped teachers, like e.g. Mr.Pinto for sphere, considering his pot-belly or Mrs.D'souza for cylinder for her perfect wrapped saree (ofcourse Mrs.Bansal for square as most chocolates are packed in that sizes).

I passed Maths in my 10th standard (can't share the mark sheet; it was stolen by aliens)

***

IIT Roorkee, formely Roorkee University (2001-03)

First year ranging period is the most horrible yet most enjoying time, which launches us in the world as IT Professionals, Doctors, Architects...etc. For me it turned out to be the most challenging time of all. Though my branch was considered to be one of the best aka computers, my liking to it again reminded me of my 10th standard Maths. Back then it was the horrible shapes & x/y equations and here it was the numerous languages along with history and future of tiny little piece of equipment which has run the whole world for the past 30yrs and plans to do so for at least the next 50 (or so what our induction teacher said).

It was my first terms (some stupid way of grading our entry into the elite university, where I had promised myself not to fail). Driven by the divine power of foolishness, I entered the Library with full JOSH. It turned out to be that we need seniors permission to refer library (even my seniors had the divine power of foolishness) and hence I was caught by my seniors, Ashok Kr. Jha (who used to say his ancestors used to be from Jungle - I tend to agree seniors on such things). Oh, sorry I missed, we are supposed to wear all formals, put litres of oil in hair and have the collar button close which identifies us as 1st yrs. It wasn't my charming dumb looks which gave me away as first year. So the punishment was presenting flyers to every single person coming to the library. I still have the flyer in my scrap-book as the first person to enter the library as I was getting the scolding was my saviour, my Sheetal.

"Anil, you are late. I asked you to come earlier. And what are you doing with these flyers?", said my saviour who sensed the knee-deep crap I was in.

"Ah! aaaaah! ummm...Shee...Madam! Sorry." yeah wasn't able to balance the flow of emotions that came gushing into my head (probably eyes, nose and ears too). It was mix of excitement, finding a familiar face so soon (1st yrs and 3rd yrs, especially guys and girls may not meet for a month; it is possible), then can't pretend I know her as she is saving my ass, can't say her name as she happens to be super-senior and a pretty one - so seniors will bury me 6feet deep if I even try to speak the holy name (aka Sheetal).

"Ma'am, you know him? Did you ask him to come to the library?" asked our Jha-junglee (nickname by our batch mates)

"Is it a problem to use the first year in helping out maintain our university library? Isn't that you guys do in all the hostels?" was a very crisp answer by my beautiful (she felt like Jesus Christ coming to rescue).

"Sorry ma'am. It was a misunderstanding." as our jungle walked back leaving with a stare which means, I have a class of explanation tonight.

"So, Mr.Maths, still searching for knowledge? Which branch? So uncle paid bribe for you to join here?" my smiling assassin just continued her fire.

"Yeah, searching for knowledge and much more. Dad accidentally passed some wisdom and I managed compu here (computer sc.)" I said without much ado. "So where did you vanish after our teaching sessions. I never got to thank you how you helped me score some grace & save my butt from my father's belt." I continued.

"Yeah, my father got transferred in the middle of 12th standard and he wanted me to finish it under his supervision. I said yes and so I shifted. It was all in a hurry." she explained, though at that very moment I saw was how beautiful she has become. From a girl in school skirt with pony tail and ribbons, she transformed into amazingly beautiful lady with waist length hair, square specs hiding the eye-shadow, chubby-bubbly figure in a sweat-shirt top with sky blue jean, explicitly enhancing her curves.

"So you got smart and managed to get here. Good, at least you will not be a Maths teacher in some school." she said, still picking on my ability of how I appreciated Tennis over certain ghostly linear equations.

"Yeah I guess, I did." trying to end the past in search of another tomorrow.

Evening strolls after classes, to canteen eating changes to time-out breaks during hectic exams schedule. She being my senior, helped me out in number of times. The subjects were mostly theories and she had a habit of converting every boring subject into fairy-tales or kinder garden-stories. I have never seen someone writing an algorithm out of a story where every variable is a character and ever crisp logic an event in these characters life. I on the other hand was supposed to look after her project report completion (giving ride on my bike and getting then printed) and reviewing some of the code as I started to like computer programming.

In all these time spent together not once did she was romantic or showed interest in my personal life. Closest she came to know about my personal likings was the ability to win tennis games. She cheered my every point and hooted the opponent (who happened to be her batch mate & lab partner).

A very reserved person by nature when it comes to personal life, Sheetal shared very less about her family and even during summer breaks she would stay back in college for extra course or self-study. Something which over a period of time I learnt not because she wanted it to share with me, but it made her so weak sometimes that few tears and even fewer words made me know her world.

The last two years of college turned out to be boring. She joined MNC being campus placed and moved to Bangalore, while I was left to work hard on my assignments and projects and what not. E-mailing & phone calls were infrequent as my profs were killing me and so were her managers. Once a month she will write letter where the tear-droplets will let me know that the family tragedies hasn't changed a bit. Last six months, we lost touch...

I passed and got placed into MNC and was posted to Bangalore. Tried to find her from all possible ways, but as she traveled to client side and her habit of not being social made it even more hard.

***

SAP Labs Bangalore (2007)

"Welcome to our company Mr.Anil. You will have you induction for the whole week and henceforth you will join your project as lead specialist." were the words of Mr.Vikram Kumar, senior-HR recruiting manager.

Actually all inductions are a way to put employee at comfort, that he will have the complete infrastructure available 24/7, later only to realize how inefficient sometime the system is, where the a.c. wont work or they will close the lights on you even though you are working for 10hrs and counting. As for work, it is something one builds with his own capabilities (this doesn't come with any induction and sometimes doesn't come with experience - hoping we are born with it).

"Mr. Anil...Anil...Ah! Here you are, D5, go meet Mr.Yagnesh. This will be the big building at the back of the campus. He is VP for your area. Also known as YY. He will take you forward introducing you to your manager", informed the desk-clerk.

"May I come in", I asked as I stepped in YY's room. The discussion was short, defining our aims and talking about work culture and ethics (okay, I am being nice, generally these things in any company is boring. If I had no ethic, they wouldn't have picked me).

"Anil, you will be working with Ms.Sheetal. She is Manager of your area, recently promoted and a prodigy. You will learn and enjoy working with her." the words sounded so similar and only one person with that name can be so impressive and to add still a Miss.

"Hi, Sheetal. I prayed for cool team but I guess my sins have catch up with me. Now I should expect far more sleepless nights than what I lived during colleges. My prodigy-returns to haunt me yet again." I shocked her when I jumped right in front of Sheetal.

"Anil? What a pleasant surprise! Where have you been? How long it has been? 1yr? more!" my smiling assassin said her eyes glowing and as we got transformed to our school auditorium.

***

Next day (2007 11th May)

"Want to join me for lunch. We can catch up all past year and refresh our old memories. You can tease me about the x&y's and I still have some of your bad-hair-day pictures from school." I invited her, praying she says yes to me and not for the last time in the day.

"Sure why not. But please excuse me if I am not excited on your tennis games." still the teasing kinds.

"Food is good. I guess you come here regularly. They sound like they know you well." I enquired based on the hospitality given by the host to Sheetal.

"We come for team lunch at least once every forth night. So yes, they kind of know us well. They coffee is good here. Lets order latte, what you say?" she asked as we finished with our luncheons.

"Will you marry me.", the words were nothing like I practised in front of the mirror, yet they sounded so wonderful.

"....Oh!Ah...!Yes...yes...yes!!... I will, I will.", she jumped out of her chair and hugged me tightly.

Everyone around us were looking and laughing. Embarrassed yet happy I hugged my darling back. It was unexpected especially for me, who comes from a conservative family. I never thought the girl I met first in 10th standard, then forgotten and again met in college, again to forget & bump-in as my manager, will accept my proposal of marriage, said so abruptly.

"Sheetal, please forgive me. I never thanked you enough for all the helped you gave me throughout my career. Please forgive me for never understanding how difficult it was for you to be part of your family. Please forgive me for being so abrupt asking you all this when you expect it the least. Please forgive me to delay it for so long...Please forgive me." there weren't enough words to explain, how much she meant to me. Chocolate-teacher said it right, she can only be the one save me.

To all my plea for forgiveness Sheetal said, "Anil, had you not asked and forced me to ask you the same question, may be it would have taken me years to forgive you. But you helped me too by just being there. Finding me when I am lost, making me smile when I want a searching for a shoulder to cry. I couldn't have said no to you. It was fate who reminded us how important we are for one another. I don't want to lose you anymore now."

***

I hugged her back and as we sat back sipping our coffee our winks, our smiles, our joys had no boundaries.

Happy Mother's Day!

We never celebrated this day; we never ever bought a gift for her on this day; the one person who endured immense pain from the time she came to know of my existance, we never thank her. I know this is how I have lived my life, never to say THANK YOU MOMMY.

I know there is no excuse for not doing it. Being a boy we never realized it that going to office, making money is not the only job necessary in bring up a child. When we are little, feeding us, changing diapers, bathing us - they are the real task. I bet none of the fathers have to handle the same mess at office that an infant can create for moms.

I called up my mom as soon as I got up this morning. Even though dad had something important to tell me, I forced him to give the phone to mom. I have always been the kid closer to my mom's feeling. No one but I have asked her the question of how her maid is working, how is the kitty parties going on or what dish she has cooked today. It's been years since I lived for more than a week back home and relishing all the great dish she cook for me; but she still knows what I love the most. We had our times together, especially when I used to ride the scooter to purchase vegetables, so she doesn't have to go in rickshaw. Or when I won my first medal and ran into her arms. We had our fights, when I will get mad and not talking to her. She is my first girl friend; she will laugh at all my jokes and she saved me from the bashing I could've received from my dad (though this voilates the definition of a girl friend).

We talked today about where was I born, which house actually. Those days, dad mom were in rented home and they changed so many before my birth. She remember each and every detail till now. Which house I was first brought in; even celebrated my first birthday. Even though now things have changed, she has got used to us living far away, not calling every day (but I am sure she expects a call), her love has never changed. How can it be, she is MOTHER.

One of the most irritating yet funny thing I do with my mom (even now @ 26) is giving her a really really wet kiss on her cheek. When ever I go back, I will find a way to sneak up to her and give a very disgusting but a wet kiss. She will get really annoyed for licking her cheek. She will even try to hit me, thinking I am 4 inturn getting her hand injured. The way she express how we have become towering humans who once slept peacefully in her lap. I miss it and every year die to be there to give her the kiss.

The teachings of my mother are precious to me. I never understood the concept of money being born with silver spoon. But she made sure I always realize right way an expenditure should be done. Yes, it is in the nature to use father as ATMs especially if you have a dad like mine, but she made sure even when we start living on our own, usage of funds are in the right manner. She helped me in number of way to become independent. Kind of a slow starter she always made sure I learn things. I might have given up in lot of things had it not been my mom. She encouraged me so much in sports and giving me right eating habits (though I don't follow it much now) that I have a good big built.

I have been naughty, I have been bad, I have loved her all my life, I miss her and her cooking. I still doesn't want to say thank you because it is too small of a word. A small dedication to my mother on mother's day.

BHAI & I LOVE YOU A LOT MOM.

Yours,

Appu.

God & I

I desired for ocean,
God gave me a sea...
I asked for wings,
God set me free...

I dreamt for friend,
God gave me few...
I wished rainy mornings,
God spread all over dew...

I peaked christmas present,
God gave me reminisce...
I lived Ephemeral love story,
God settled it with a kiss...

A passing thought!

It is a season of Cricket in India. Even though elections and certain evil forms drove cricket out of India to South Africa, the passion has been still remain sky-high.
But this is post has nothing to do the religion we believe in but in the commercialization of this religion. Each time a six is hit, we call it a DLF Maximum, even the fours are brought to us by Hyundia. Comeon, I drive a Hyundia Santro but at no point I can associate it with a cricket four. Or I should try to think it is a car with four tyres (now I am being just as stupid as the ad agency).
We watch all the funny ads of Aamir or SRK or others, associated with Black Beverage but when it comes to drinking it, we all have our own flavours set?
Here is a funny thought... What happens if we start living a life full of ads? Let me explain my goofy thought with some examples -
a) Our mother cooks dinner for us and we all come to the table to have it. She opens the rice bowl and says, "This meal is brought to you by Kohinoor basmati rice".
b) Husband takes wife for shopping and he opens the door for her saying, "Trip to Mall brought to you by Bharat Petroleum - Energizing lives".
I guess we got the picture here pretty clearly.
Ads - which have formed integral part of our daily life sometimes are so stupid. Even the commentrators have starting advertizing every other ball. At the most stupid place they will bring the CITI moment of success? What the hell? Is the CITI group got the team the last wicket...
As Mumbai India slides down against a very weak Kings Punjab XI, I blog this entry wishing MI comes good... And again an irritating commentrator shells out Ads.

PS: No ads or people associated with ads agency were harmed in writing of this blog - message brought to you by Deccan Herald

Walk on the beach...

Two close friends and one lovely sis have recently starting asking questions about blogging. I am no master of this Gen-Y age of Blogging, but as I have articles dated 2 years back, certainly I have formed a style of my own. I sometimes try to be funny, sometimes romantic, sometimes plain-simple and stupid.

Now this time it was discussion on how authors write novel with such frequency and consistency explaining all the idiosyncrasies of every details they mention. Eg: John Grisham depicting a court room or say J.Archer painting the alps (in paths of glory). Certainly not everyone who blogs can be an author. But in a way we are authors to our own mind. When I get down on this business of blogging it is natural, straightforward, full of common written and spoken English-errors. But am I good enough and have my natural instincts severed me well so far. I don't know yet. I might never know or may be I will... So just for test, let me try naturally explaining "Walk on the beach"...By A.Goyal

***

"Rajesh, as I will see the beach for the first time, I might react funny. Please hold me if I get carried away."

"Pari, we just going to a beach. And don't worry. For a change you will act more weired that me. It will be fun for me. And hey if you want to feel comfortable, we can go to marine beach. You might feel comfortable with more crowd around that this empty beach?"

"No it is okay. I think I will be better of with only you than thousands of unknown people."

.....

"Pari, stop throwing water at me. Stop it, you were supposed to react funny. Lets not get too wet or else it will be hard to drive back. Car will be all mess."

"Rajesh, don't be a wuss. Come here. I am gonna fill your shoes with sand and drench your clothes with salty water. Ha ha ha."

"You girl; you are dead now."....

***

Isn't beach considered a place to be romantic. Wouldn't everyone with his/her partner wished to have a trip like this. I wish I get a chance.

My early childhood had us visiting Goa/Bombay beach. But I was too young to remember the finner details. It is like a vague memory. And then trip with friends from office seems so fresh like yesterday. Our office was just 500m from the ECR (east coast road) in Chennai (earlier known as Madras). We were bunch guys-gals fresh passed out of college with some senior old manager folks.

Beach reminds me of the cool breeze even on a hot humid Chennai day, initially the irritating sand; but soon you get in love with the same. The calm ocean sea stretching miles as far as my eyes can see. The waves which rise and fall again, reforming and breaking at the shore endlessly. And arms on the shoulder of a friend (or probably holding hands of the one you want to hold on for ever).

With friends, walk on the beach are seldom. When a rowdy group as our gets the freedom of nature, digging holes to bury people; building castles; running race in ocean splashing water; drinking coconut water and challenges of who throws the remains the farthest.

But walk on the beach, holding hands with a special one, talking about our family and daily life. May be how this break to the beach has relaxed both. Or just sitting in silence watching each other. Leaning on each other shoulder or resting head in each other lap. Sitting on the sand, playing with each other feet. Some little complains about each other. Then we should sing too irrespective of how bad or good we sing (I sing average, so I shall take the risk)

In the end, the walk should also indulge ourself in Indian delicacy of "CHAAT". Even though not being a great fan of it, I still think, company matters and not the food. And somehow girls and CHAAT are inseparable.

Walking back to the car as the night falls and the breeze becomes chiller, we look back once more and a moonlight sea makes us fall in love with it all over again. We know this affair with the sand, ocean, breeze and a walk will continue forever...

Lets create Love...

I had a dream..some poetic thoughts...which lead to this question - Can we create LOVE?

Sometimes amongst the hectic day today activities, we find a small moment where we sit still thinking of different thoughts. Some about childhood, some about college, some about a movie or a book read long time back. But when I had a similar still moment, I thought of one never changing factor in ever changing lives: Love.

Few days back my brother said, "when we become parents the respect for our parents grows immensely." In our childhood, we are so vulnerable and in need of constant attention. As a grownup our parents know the importance of care a baby needs. They know what love is, but when we as an infant start to walk for the first time - did we manage to create love for our parents? Or when we say papa, mama for the first time - did we bring that tear in our parents eyes, filling their heart with warm love?

I grew up in a family of four, mama, daddy, my elder bro and me. Elder brother and I have fought zillions of times only to make our mother go mad & angry. Being considerably weak, I restore to act of hit & run or verbal dual. Though in school, the story was completely inverse. Mother asking my elder bro to keep me safe meant I go around bossing everyone and get away with any trouble. On one of these mafia rounds, unknowingly I tampered with a senior's sport equipment during recess, only to get a tight slap. The mafia clan was scared off, but one of my right hand (as I used to say him in the 90s) reported the incident to my elder brother. All I know that I was called to the principal office next class and my brother was standing with clothes full of dirt. I never realize until the class teacher told me in principal office that my brother has beaten the crap of my senior (he was younger to my brother though). The guy was left with swollen eye or something (if my memory servers me right). Once I narrated the story of being slapped, the principal was happy to see elder brother carrying & looking out for the younger one. We got off with a slap on the wrist. Once out, my brother & I had a naughty laugh and I teased him being the macho (also asking him to join 6th standard Mafia group). He got me a cold drink from canteen and off we went to our respective classes (his being 10th standard). I will never come to know how much joy the Principal had knowing our story, but surely we two (bhai & I) for the first time got connected in a different manner. He being more a sober dude, never showed his love for me in public, yet he managed to create PDA - Public Display of Affection.

College brought us out of the shell of home environment and a sense of independence. Initially it was hard for me to adjust with my home town being in Roorkee and college in Bangalore (nearly 2k+ km separating us). Status of calls used to be every night, with my mom worried every day. Ragging, Food, Hostel are sometimes the most scary words for a mother whose life can be defined by her kids growth. To add to this all, my first year of college where I was supposed to top to join a better branch coincided with the demise of my maternal grand father. It was a hard choice on my parents part to make such a decision, not to call me back from exams. Being a mother's pampered kid, this difficult time brought me close to my father. I had grown into a studious engg. student who will find solution of every problem and if I fail, will go back to his father for solutions. I realize that how much a father wants to be part of his child's education. Be it business, be it his travels which kept him away during our childhood, we both made sure college was one place where he act as my senior. Second semester electrical science paper gave me the nightmares - my brain getting replaced by electrical motor without the necessary oil & some parts missing. My father told me in simple words, you are son of an electrical engg. so quite worrying and start thinking. You will see each component as I saw almost 30 years back. Did we magically created neurons of knowledge? I scored 97 out of 100.

"Marriages are made in heaven" - I am sure the person who said that had a wife like my brother has. In our family of 4, we organized the first arranged marriage of my elder brother. I realized that how much it is hard for girls to wake up one morning and move to a different home. Where everyone is celebrating because it is marriage-time, but for her even the lights in the bedroom is on a different side. Yes she has been preparing from the time engagement happened but still. So soon she manages to know every one in her husband's family like she has been there forever. And in our case, she is only second to my brother to know me so closely. Yes, she was a girl few days back and now a mother of little angel (pari), but she knows how to be my friend and how to comfort me in a space of an year. She is always a call away to listen no matter what I have to say and bring peacefulness with her voice. Yes, I am sure it is love created instantly like maggi.

I was born heavy, really really heavy. More than 5kgs as a very health and tall baby. For my mother it wasn't easy (hell no) & also it wasn't easy for people who wished to pick me. With the Godly mass, I was piled in tones of clothes. But one family member, Mani didi, was never afraid to pick me or play with me. She is my maternal aunt's daughter. An age gap of 9, I have always been her baby bro & she my motherly sister. With different lifestyle and different city life, summer holidays were the only time where all 6 brothers & sisters come together on my mother-side. I used to find pulling her pony tail amazing and rightfully justify the act after been pinched on my chubby cheeks as infant number of times. She sleeps with her eyes open, I sleep cuddled up and holding her hand; She will watch over me when I am creating trouble, I put the blame on her when I get into trouble. And as God fast forward the dial to present, she has two kids of her own and I settled in Bangalore as a s/w pro, we two get sometime to interact with each other on messengers or phone. Each time to realize that distance looks so immaterial, so insignificant because we know each other so well. Distance may creep into our lives changing the way we knew our own, but a call, few silly words and loads of laughter will wipe the slate clean. Yes, everyday together when we laugh on either my acts of stupidity or prettiness of my nephews, we build our bonds stronger with nothing but love...

While writing away images of thoughts into series of words, I realize how incomplete this post will be...I can never share few creations of love that once existed in-around my life and as I am yet to discover my own better half, the ideal way to end it is by saying, Lets continue to create love.

The Bumpy Ride...

College life gives a number of unforgettable moments to all. The food in canteen, boring lectures, crushes, heartbreaks and finding love again... College made us realize how colorful life can be and before we all head into the cycle of life aka jobs, it gives us lot of our FIRSTS. This Ride is one of those collection of "firsts". And so it begins...

9:01 am

Swathi: Hello Raj, you sound like still sleeping? Please get up and get ready. We are all supposed to meet in front foyer in 1 hr. I am not your mom and certainly will not give you another wake up call.

Raj: Oh! You sound mad at me. This is only the 4th time you called. And you require at least 3 hrs to get ready which includes trying at least 10 dresses. We are just going on a 1 day hiking trip. All are college buddies; does it even matter what are you wear? And thanks Mom for waking me up. You are gem. Promise I will be on time. See you @ 10.

9:50am

Anindho: Deepti, I am totally against today's plan. Why do we need to go with so many people and waste quality time? Why can't we just hang out in college or some mall? Let us just bunk the trip. Anyway it looks like everyone is late. It is almost ten. We can go to compu lab and work for sometime till they leave. How is it?

Deepti: No! I told you that we are part of this gang. And Raj has worked so hard to arrange a car, made sure all parents agree and everyone is coming. The food is on him and so is the spot. All he ask is you to come and this is what you give him in return. Shame on you. I am not moving from the foyer. And the outing to waterfall is not important; it is the journey and chit-chat which will be so much fun.

Anindho: Ah Crap! I know why Raj is putting all the damn efforts in this. After all Swathi is coming. Look here comes Mahitha; atleast now my plan is officially trashed.

Mahitha: Hi Deepti, Hi Anindho. you guys are already here? Look, I got the food basket. I know Raj said no food required, but you know my mom, she needs to be sure that all of us are well fed. Typical mom.

Deepti: Yeah. We had to pick something from labs, so we came early. Good. At least now I don't have to worry if Raj forgets food.

10:10am

Raj: Hello everyone! Sorry I am late; oh but it is only 10mins late. The car is out in the parking lot along with food which before any of you girls say is purely veg, neatly packed in foil and in plastic boxes with labels. Oops, I mean Tupperware with labels!

And yeah, we pick Shivendu on our way. He carries stuff like cricket bat, football, his swimming trunk and hence can't walk till foyer.

Deepti, Mahitha, Swathi: We are waiting for so long and you have no shame to be on time. After all it is your plan. You are the host.

Raj: Chill ladies! I am at your service now! So if your wrath has ended, shall we move. And hey Anindho, you are first up on the wheels. I couldn't manage driver so all three of us have to switch & drive.

Deepti: What? No driver? Isn't it wrong? We should have at least a driver? You guys will get tired. It is almost 3 hrs drive.

Anindho: It is because I asked him to get a couple of beers. No driver means no alcohol. That is the only way he can restrict me drinking.

Raj: Okay no more conversation, let us head now to water, dirt and lot of food.

10:30am

Mahitha: SHIVENDU, COME OUT. WE ARE GETTING LATE. IF YOU DON'T COME OUT SOON, ALL GIRLS WILL COME IN.

Shivendu: Yeah coming, coming. No need to shout. And yeah no need to threat me with you stepping in my room. Just watch your head as my undies are drying right out of the entrance.

***

All friends were finally together. Took them sometime but finally the journey began. Raj, the funny guy planned and executed the plan. Anindho & Deepti or the love birds, were planning their own timeout, but they finally joined. The so called sisters - Mahitha & Swathi made the gang complete.

Oh! I forgot Shivendu. Umm! It doesn't matter. He hardly ever had his head out of Rock music. Wouldn't care much.

***

11:00am

Mahitha, Deepti, Swathi: "..Those were the best of my life... Standing of mama's proch, you told me to wait for ever...Those were the best of my life..."

Raj: Ladies, ladies...Hault. Stop... Thank you all for entertaining us with Mr. Adams' song. But as we see this activity is killing the purpose of our drive. Anindho is busy driving and watching Deepti in the mirror; all you girls have decided to test vocal chords without our involvement; shivendu has got lost in his air-guitar and rock music on his iPod, leaving me to sit and admire you all. On any other day in college it could have been charming so please let us do some in-motion activity involving all.

Anindho: What you have in mind buddy?

Mahitha: And yeah it should not be related to college studies. I know Raj, somehow you and Shivendu will get into either details of Microprocessor program or Java program.

Raj: Dont worry, it won't be studies. I have something like Truth & Dare, but as we are restricted to car, lets keep it Truth Only. The last time I played, it turned out to be real fun. But only if all say the right thing.

Shivendu: Oh! I am not sure this is a better option than my music. Can we stick to what ever we were doing and just reach the waterfall? Raj, please continue observing us. You might find a pattern in our behaviour.

Swathi: Hey Shivendu! Be a sport. I think Truth only is a great idea. And it looks like everyone is interested. So better take that plug out your ear. So we can play.

Deepti: To end the doubt of whom to start, any of you can ask me the first question and then I get to pick whom to ask the second. Deal?

ALL: Yes.

***

11:12am

Raj: Clearly asking something Deepti is not so wonderful as even if she says something not fully truthful, Mr.Anindho will support her. I feel in this case, we can make Anindho as something to her, which he has in his mind and want to know from Deepti? How about this.

Shivendu: Great idea man! Yes, Anindho ask her something, you always wanted to know from the time you guys been together. Every guy wants to know trade secret of women's heart. Though they seldom get to know it & when they do, they do feel sad.

Anindho: Okay. Now that you guys have put me in the hot seat. Deepti, how did you feel when I kissed you for the first time?

Raj, Swathi, Mahitha, Shivendu: WoooooW!

Shivendu: Man, someone has serious issues, knowing how good he is for his women. Dude you know you will get crucify later.

Anindho: Yeah, I know. But she chose to be here by offering this option. I am just adding salt to an already spiced up curry.

Deepti: I know I shouldn't have allowed this. But I am a sport and I will give an honest answer. As per shivendu, he will be sad in knowing the results. It wasn't the best place to kiss - the movie theater - watching a thriller. It was cold and dark inside but all I felt there was wet lips. Yup, just wetness & nothing else. It was the strangest of feeling for me. I guess I was too cold in the theater.

Anindho: Oh My God! Hmm... I can't say whether our choice was right or wrong, but surely can make upto you.

Raj: Oye! You are really asking for trouble man! I think you should stop here and now we all should ask you some question.

Deepti: Yup! Mr.Ray, you will really get some from me. Wait & watch.

Mahitha: Before anyone jump to ask Anindho, I have a question for him. Hope everyone is fine with me asking.

Raj, Swathi, Deepti: Yeah yeah. Go ahead.

Mahitha: So we all know you and Deepti being going around for quite sometime. Whom do you think is the architect of your love story? Upto you now to tell us all truthfully.

Anindho: Oh! This even Deepti knows. I will give some credit to Raj here. He helped a lot & I used to update him on it.

Deepti: Yeah, I know it too Raj. Thanks for being so kind.

Raj: Wow! So senti-mental dialogues from you two. I am touched. But the most funny part here is, Mr. Ray actually asked me how I find Deepti? And how I like her. I was totally confused when he asked me. I said she is nice and a really good friend. I share great chemistry with her. Turns out, he wanted to know whether I like her and is looking forward to approach her. My initial thought was to tease him. But he looked like a kid and I clarified it. Best of luck you too.

Mahitha: Ah! Such a nice thing to do Raj. I always thought, you liked Deepti and backout for Anindho.

Shivendu: Now wait a min, Raj you never told me about this. I thought you always liked Deepti. I am supposed to be your closed friend and I don't even get to know your crushes. I am hurt dude. On this note, I want to feel better. The only way I think it is possible right now, if I get to ask Mahitha the next question.

Mahitha: NO! YOU ARE NOT ASKING ME ANYTHING.

Swathi: Huh! What happened to you Mahitha? Why is there a problem in Shivendu asking you any question? I smell a rat here? Comeon Shivendu spill the beans now!

Shivendu: I will be plain simple straight. Okay Mahitha.

Mahitha: Shivendu stop. Please no. This is not right!

Shivendu: Hee Hee. So here is it guys. I asked Mahitha for her notes and just after giving the note book, she got shocked and started asking me back. I was like, why, did u forget anything in the notebook. And then she pounced on me and started snatching the note book. Finally she got hold of it and took a loose paper out of the book. Now, I have my doubts but I guess it was a very important letter.

Deepti: Wooooow! So who is the guy? You never took our update or advice. Is this guy not in our dept. Tell tell to all of us.

Mahitha: Shivendu, I should kill you for that. Okay. Yes, Rahul wrote me that letter but it was just solution of a problem I gave to him.

Raj: Rahul? Rahul? You like that nerd. OMG!

Shivendu: Nooooooo... That was not a solution, it was luuuvvvv... Love letter. Mahitha is in love. And tell us Mahitha, if you say that it was not love then why you didn't ask any in the group about the problem? Deepti, Anindho, Raj, all have brains.

Mahitha: I am supposed to answer ONLY one question. And I have done that. Period.

Shivendu: Fine! If you dont want to answer, we will take that as yes.

Anindho: Hey Raj, take over the driving buddy. I want to stretch my legs. Is it okay?

Raj: Okay. We can take a break from game and stop over to have lunch. We can finally show mercy to the food and relieve then from the bonds of Tupperware and foil.

***

From the game of relieving dark secrets, we all shifted our attention to food. And when it comes to food, the discussion has to be how worst is the hostel food? Which girl can cook? Do Deepti plans to do all the cooking eventually for Anindho? The disgusting jokes guys can crack while girls eat are too good. Food for thought - Any yellow dal resembles...? Yup, guys are as disgusting as their jokes! :)

***

12:30pm

Deepti: Hurry up guys. Half the day is over and we haven't even reach our destination. Raj, please drag everyone in and let us drive a little faster speed.

Raj: When Raj is here, have no fear. Lets rumble.

Mahitha: Should we also resume the game? Who all are left to answer? Shivendu & Swathi.

Deepti: No no, Raj is also left to answer.

Raj: Before any one asks me, let me ask shivendu if no one has any for him?

Shivendu: Please. I mind you asking me question. We spend so much time in college, hostel, my room that you even know the color of my chaddi. You will not ask a question but unravel some of my trade secrets.

Anindho: Comeon, shivendu. We all promise that if Raj asks any question remotely related to what color of briefs you are wearing or not wearing, we will disqualify it.

Raj: I heard some rumors from my flatmates that there has been increased activity on you mobile bill? There has been lot of long distance calls to your school friends! Is it true? If yes, spill the beans. You can also take Mahitha's way out answering one question, but I am sure no one here will be satisfied.

Shivendu: FYI, My flatmate Abhinav is a dead-man. I will organize his cremation ceremony and you all are invited. Yes, it is true that I am pursuing my school time crush & now sweetheart Neha. To add oohs & aahs, the latest update is, I have opened this at home. They like her already.

Deepti: One ooh and one aah for you :) This is even bigger than Mahitha's crush on Rahul.

Anindho: Man! You are on a faster track buddy. We both are finding it hard to tell our parents. Especially when Deepti parents want a nice American return South Indian lad for her and my parents want a homely-bengali bahu.

Deepti: Everyone has been asked to say something they wouldn't have otherwise but Swathi & the architect of this wonderful trip. Now I want to ask Raj, the same question his buddy asked me, with a little questions hanging here & there. Raj, tell about your first kiss, crush and location.

Shivendu: What? You almost choked me on water girl. Raj & these details. Never! He is such a casanova, I doubt he will remember that moment.

Anindho: Na, na. He is bounded by the rules of the land; in this case rules of the car. Speak up Raj. You should not hide this from your friends.

Raj: I doubt anyone of you will believe the truth and it is very easy for me to make up to tell you what you all want to hear. So should be truth or a well-dressed up lie.

Swathi: No Raj. We all will believe what you will say. Please let it be the truth.

Raj: To start, I will have to deny the alligation of being a casanova. Now most of you know that I am from a small town and studied in boy's school. Till date, I have no girlfriend. Believe me, first time I talked to a girl who was not related or a family friend was in 9th standard. Before that, I used to like girls somewhat similar to how Calvin likes Susie - sarcasm associated if someone doesn't understand. Coming to college, first year was crutial for studies so I hardly every interacted with any of the feminine gender and we been friends ever since. So having kiss, crush or location is still in my future.

Mahitha: Whoaaa! Hmmm... Raj, the way you have been with anyone for the past year, we never knew. So basically you are covering lost ground. For first part of your life aka school, you were denied the company or made to believe we are not the kinds to interact and now second phase of life aka college, all you do is flirt.

Raj: Mahitha, I am hurt. You girls would have booted me with sandles if I would have ever flirt with either of you. And trust me on this, flirting is not even in my dictionary. Anyways, this is the sad story of your lovely, charming & handsome friend. You can either show pity on me or next time any of your school visit our college, do introduce me.

Shivendu: Please don't forget me.

Anindho: Me too.

Deepti: What? #$*@&#

Swathi, Raj, Mahitha, Shivendu: ha ha ha!

***

We ask our friends lot of questions whose answer we already know. This was another of those astonishing FIRST which left friends shocked. After all, Raj is much more than just a charming chocolate boy.

***

1:18pm

Raj: Hey we have finally reached the place. Lets get out and rock the place.

Mahitha: But no one asked the one question to Swathi? We all got so engaged in Deepti-Anindho's fight, we didn't ask her.

Anindho: Please get it quick. I need to run for Almighty's call.

Raj: Lets me make it short - Swathi, excluding Shivendu, do you have crush on anyone in this travel group. Please say it in Yes or No, rather if's and but.

Swathi: Hee hee! YES.

*****

Lot of first and the real fun began with the first proposal. Guys really don't know how to make it special. But they do make the girl smile. And of the many qualities girls have, they will never forget when & how you made them smile. Just keep adding away these when & how timestamps.

Thinking of the song, girls were singing; it holds so true... Indeed college days are the best days of our life.